Before we start, Branches is so hawt right now. Check it (wait for the horn, it's mad cash).
Sooooo, this week I had an "oh F---" moment.
Let me preface this story by saying that I got a new job a few months ago basically doing my hobby. Don't want to give to much away, but I love my job. There's a few catches though. All my coworkers but one are Mormon, and the current owner and one of my managers are HELLA Mormon, like shit we played one of the Saturday conference sessions on the customer tv, then closed early for the second session. anyway the Mormon stuff doesn't bother me I'm used to it, but make a note of it. Also due to politics with my job I don't want to get into, we're getting ready to move to a new manager who is 20 years old, which is one year younger than I am. It doesn't bother me, so it's no big deal, However his father is the Hella Mormon owner of the shop. Not a big deal but it contributes to the story.
Sooo to the story.
Sometimes when I feel the need I use tinder, usually with my preferences set to women only, just in case someone were to open the app on my phone, but occasionally when I'm feeling it I switch to dudes and take it seriously, but not too seriously because c'mon it's tinder lol. So anywho when I tind for ladies, it's just right swipes (like) as fast as possible, "stackin' mad chicks" as my friend puts it. So I had a friend over who just broke up with his girlfriend, and he is back on the tinder game, so I swapped to ladies and did my mad right swiping thing, and we were having a good laugh, making fake conversations with the bots on there and what not (Note: bots are the fake accounts trying to get users to go to pornsites). Anyway the friend eventually left. Before this instance I hadn't been on tinder in months, so after my friend left I got ready to go to bed, and got back on tinder, I swapped my preferences back to dudes and BAM! it's my soon to be manager. YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. What the fuck tho.
I don't know why but i got kinda messed up over seeing him on tinder? It was just awkward as hell yo I don't know why. So here's where shit escalates.
I freak the fuck out, I don't really want people at work knowing I'm gay because it doesn't matter at all. I don't want it to affect the way they treat me. So I rush and throw my preferences back to females praying that it won't show him my profile. But then I'm sitting there and start thinking about all the people (especially in provo) who view both men and women on tinder, and their bio usually says something like "not gay, just looking for friends" or some shit like that. I mean, my new manager does seem like the kinda kid who would do something like that so I swap my preference back to dudes and go on the hunt. Yo I tore through like 80 dudes before finding my manager again. Shit was intense. I open his profile and the first thing that catches my eye is "Prince Charming" and I'm thinking ok, he wants to be someones prince charming, not necessarily gay, but then I really read it and it says "just looking for my prince charming" and YOOOOOOO! damn that's some hella gay shit right there. The kick in the pants is that I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who knows. Maybe his close friends know, but I don't think his family knows and I know none of our coworkers (some of whom are his family) know. It's a lot of pressure. I don't want to fuck it up for him,
So here's the deal. I swapped back to ladies and haven't gone back. this happened about a week ago. that story got a little crazy because just thinking it brings back some intense feelings. Let me clear up any questions you may be asking now.
-Are these emotions because you like your boss?
No, I don't want to be rude but he's just not my type so that has nothing to do with the story.
-Why did you react in such a weird way, since you yourself are gay? It shouldn't be a big deal right?
No it shouldn't be a big deal, but it's not every day you find out your super Mormon boss is gay. I guess that just because I'm gay I still really haven't had to deal with other people that are close to me being gay, hence the over-reaction. It's not a big deal, but I guess I just don't know how to handle it like it's no big deal haha. I also just realized while typing this that a lot of my reaction comes from pressure I now feel to not give anything away. I don't think anyone close to him besides me and maybe some friends know. I don't want to fuck up and reveal he is gay or something.
-do you plan on doing anything about it?
Hell naw. I have been in that situation and I have deep respect for anyone in it. I know how tough it is, and it's not my place to act on it for you. He will do what he feels comfortable, tell who he feels comfortable, and do it in his own time. I don't want to do anything to affect that.
So yeah, that happened. now I'm sitting here, about to see this coworker at work tomorrow and I don't think he knows that I know he's gay. I guess the point of this story was just to get out a weird and shocking experience. I've actually only ever met one other gay person face to face, so now this coworker makes two? Makes you realize that anyone could be gay, no matter how straight they are....
But here's my real fear, now that I know my coworker/boss is gay and Mormon, he could be on here and could read this. If that's the case dude, talk to me. Just write "talk to me" on my to-do list at work or something. Or just call me a homo I don't care. But only do it if you want and are comfortable talking to me about it. If not, just act like you never read this, if you for some reason did read this.
NOTE: This whole story is a fucking mess. I'm going to go back over it tomorrow and clean it up but I gotta sleep.
Anyway that's the story. Thought it was share worthy. But on a more personal note, I usually say things like "everyone important knows" when talking about being in or out of the closet, but I realized that I still haven't told my brother. I've been chatting with my dad, and we kinda decided I just have to tell him and how he react is what it is (He's pretty mormon, got mad and super preachy when I didn't go on a mission. Told me I was going to hell for not actively asking the bishop for a calling, that kinda stuff). I set the gears in motion tonight to tell him, so it will happen in the next week or two. Wish me luck.
One last thing, I want to switch the title of my blog. I'm pretty inactive right now and don't want to give off the idea that I'm actively Mormon anymore. Would calling my blog something to do with "Provo Homo" seem insensitive? I honestly am not a politically correct person, but I don't want to offend anyone with the title of my blog. Living in provo and being a homo do come with complications and are the stem of a lot of my posts... Just let me know.
"Anyone could be gay, no matter how straight they are"