Formerly known as "The Thoughts of a Gay Mormon." I'd now consider myself a very inactive Mormon, so my thoughts are no longer from an active, practicing Mormon and I didn't want my title to be misleading. And WARNING: I write very casually and use a lot of words and slang that could be taken offensively. My words aren't intended to offend, they are just my raw thoughts put on the page.
So here's the song. No explanation needed, I just like it.
Well so at this point I'm out to most people that matter, and it feels great, but I've entered into a state of complete confusion. Like before I was out I was only allowed to think one way, but now that I can do what I want and be who I want, I don't really know what I want. I mean, it's become pretty apparent to me recently that it would be hard for me to be happy with a woman, and with the support of my parents and the weight of having to go to BYU off my shoulders, I think I'm ready to try dating who and what I want. The issue is that in my life I've always avoided dating due to a lack of interest or inability to date the people I want. Because of this I don't know how to date, or better yet how to get a date. I'm not sure Provo is the best place to learn the how to's of dating, but I really
like it here. I don't know if I should stay in Provo, if I should even go right back to school or take some time off, or what. All these issues are hitting me at once and I have no idea what to do about it. It's created a lot of confusion for me.
I think the real issue is that I'm dying to date someone. I really want the whole relationship deal, like caring about someone and having them care about me, and being connected to them more than just a friend (I'm not saying sex). I have just wanted that for a while now, and all the questions I'm asking myself that I mentioned above affect this desire to be in a relationship, and it's killing me.
I asked an engaged friend what the hell he was doing, like fuckin' a we're 20 years old man why is he getting engaged already, and his reply changed the way I've looked at relationships forever. He said something to the effect of "We'll I guess I found someone I want to hang out with more than anyone else. I'd rather sit and do homework with her, than play Halo with the boys ya know?" And like damn son that changed everything. I want to find someone that I want to hang out with like that you know? Someone that I care about so deeply.
So anywho due to not letting myself be gay up to this point I'm helplessly lost when it comes to dating or fuck even flirting? I was talking to a guy, semi-romantically and shit he was smooth man I was blushing and shit, but I had no idea how to respond or anything. I guess other than that there's no real point to this post. I just wanted to get it off my chest because it's frustrating as shit that I want nothing more than to be in a relationship but have no idea how to go about it.
Welp other than that life is plugging along I'm doing pretty well. It seems the depression is slowly lifting, some days it's really bad others it's not but I have noticed it's steadily getting better. I have a pretty close group of friends who all know I'm gay now, and it's hella awesome like I have a lot more fun now and can just be myself. All in all life is getting better and I'm pretty happy for once.
SOooo I've got more shit to post about so look for some new stuff coming soon.
Instead of doing a funny picture to end things here's a funny youtube video. I laughed wayyyyyy to hard at this.
Whenever I get really confused I say "Dude like I don't even know man" and it used to piss my mom off. She was like "I'm your mom, not dude, and definitely not man..." Anywho, the title is slightly fitting because I'm really confused about what to title this entry haha. Anyway I heard of a South African rap rave group a few years ago called Die Antwoord (pronounced: Dee Ant-voort) and liked them a bit but thought they were really strange. So I recently saw the movie Chappie and the two singers in Die Antwoord are two of the main characters, and a lot of their music is featured. I liked what I heard so I went home and looked them up. They're actually pretty cool people, even though their music is really really "out there." so I thought I'd post one of their songs to start. NOTE: IT'S EXTREMELY VULGAR AND HAS INAPPROPRIATE THEMES. It's good for getting pumped though:
Here's another amazing song from a group I been listening to a lot lately. This one is clean and more like the music I usually post. This will be long so two songs because I can.
So here we go. Shortly after my last post I realized I wasn't acting like myself. Last year I had an 8am Class I hated, and would wake up like 15 minutes before class started, and be like "Oh shit I gotta go!" and I'd spring up, get dressed, grab a muffin and run to class. I hate missing class. I could do that every day for a week on 3-4 hours of sleep a night. This semester however, I have a 10am class I really like, and I'll wake up with half an hour to get there, with 6-7 hours of sleep and I'd think "Alright let's do this, gotta go to class..." but then I'd get back in bed and go back to sleep. I didn't want to but mentally I couldn't force myself to get up. At first I thought I was being lazy, but I just didn't have the strength to face the day. After that I noticed I lost interest in tons of things. Friends would invite me to do things I love and I just wouldn't go with them, no excuse. And it's not like I was skipping stuff to stay home and watch netflix or play video games or something, I'd just lay in bed or sit at the table and think about how bad I'm fucking up my life and how there's no hope for me. I then realized that I may be clinically depressed. I consulted a friend who has been diagnosed and has been dealing with severe clinical depression for a while, and she told me I was explaining exactly how her depression started.
It's crazy, last semester I found a statistic that said 70-80% of all LGBT students at BYU develop depression at some point (not sure if develop is the right word but it gets the point across). When I read it I was like "haha bitches life is good I ain't getting depression" but damn do I regret saying that. It's like everything finally caught up with me. I finally grew some testes and went it and talked to my bishop. I told him I thought I had depression and he asked me some questions and told me it's not uncommon for college kids to get it. I then told him I liked dudes. The first thing he said after I told him was "Well that definitely is a factor of the depression then eh?" We had a good talk, tried to figure some things out, and I went on my way. We agreed I should tell my dad and see what he wanted to do about it (Get off campus medical help, or go to BYU's free mental health center). I put it off for a week or two, but finally I was talking to my dad and asked if he was free later that night, because I had something serious to talk about. He got nervous and asked if I'd done anything wrong, I said no and told him I'd call him later.
That night I called my dad up and the first thing he said was "What's wrong just tell me?" I don't really remember what I said but I awkwardly told him I thought I was depressed. He asked some basic questions, I explained how I was feeling, and he agreed I probably have an issue. He asked me how classes were going (grade wise) and I said not great. This was my biggest fear. All my life my parents have put a lot of emphasis and pressure on getting good grades. I remember my first C in college. Me mum made is seem like the world was ending. I got yelled at a bit for it. I was terrified of telling my parent's that my grades were suffering from this depression. After I told him it wasn't going well he calmly explained that if need be I could withdraw from the semester, but that we should talk about it a bit first. It was a huge relief. I could finally stop worrying about my parents reaction when I dropped that bomb on them and focus on fixing myself (getting myself back to the way I was). He then moved on to ask me what could be causing the depression. I told him about the academic pressure that the school causes, and also the pressures I feel from him and my mom, and the pressure they put on me and how it affects me. He told me that he and my mother were ok with me not doing well, and that they would support me and help me if I needed to take a semester or two off. He asked if there was anything else contributing, and I mentioned I had some personal issues that I was working through with the bishop that were obviously contributing. He asked me what they were, but I explained it was extremely personal and I'd rather not talk about it. He asked for hints or ideas, and I told him it wasn't a sin or I wasn't in trouble, but I had some stuff I needed to figure out. That ended the conversation.
It was a huge step in the right direction. We came up with a plan to get me in to see a professional, and it took a huge weight off my shoulders. It allowed me to focus more on fixing the depression, instead of how to tell my parent's I'm not doing well/how to hide the fact that I'm not doing well in school. I was blown away by my father response. I got started on the plan we made, and then rolled along this weekend. I went out and had some fun with friends Friday and Saturday, and Sunday my dad asked if I'd be free to Skype. I knew he wanted to follow up with what we had talked about, so I told him when a good time was, and Skyped him Sunday afternoon. My mom was sitting with him, and they got straight into talking about how I was feeling. At first it felt a bit accusatory but after a minute my mom cleared the air and said she wasn't accusing me of anything and she wasn't mad. The tone in her voice was concern.
My mom has always been a bit crazy (in a good way) where if things aren't going her way or the way she had planned, she makes them go her way, and for my brother and I that was always punishment or yelling or nagging till things were going how she wanted. A few times my mom had threatened to take away the financial support she was giving me. Before I came to college my parents made me the deal that if I could pay for school and my everyday expenses (food and what not) that they would pay for housing. They didn't mind helping me pay for food (they weren't going to let me starve) but wanted me to cover most of it. Sounded like a deal to me, and that's the way it's worked since freshman year. Over the years as issues with grades have arisen my mom has used taking away their support in paying for my housing as motivation for me to get things back on track. It was a huge relief when this time, when I was actually in a bad situation, she really just cared for me and didn't bring up money or anything at all. I could tell she really just wanted the best for me.
We talked a lot about therapy and stuff, and withdrawing from school, and then we got back onto the causes of the depression. My parents were incessant on knowing the reasons. I kept just talking about school and stuff, but noted my personal issues that I was working out with the bishop. They asked what my personal issues were and I said I'd really rather not talk about it. They asked if I was in trouble or had done anything wrong. I said no, and they told me that if that's the case I had nothing to fear. Now being completely honest I told them to wait a sec and ran to my bathroom and tried to phone up one of my really good friends to get his advice. Unfortunately there was no answer, so I quickly checked to make sure nobody could hear me, and walked back to my computer with no idea what to do.
Here's the thing, I'm a pretty tough person. I can't remember the last time I cried. In the last 2 years I've broken 3 bones, had surgery on one, and severely fractured the inside of my knee with no tears. I walked myself to the hospital close to half a mile with a destroyed collar bone without shedding a single tear. However as I sat down I couldn't handle it. I mean, to save my image it wasn't like a full on cry, but yo I was tearing up pretty bad and ya I was pretty much crying. I'm sure some of you have felt it before but all the pressure and everything was hanging on this moment. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how my parents would react (check some of my old posts to see how homophobic my parents were growing up) and I just was terrified.
I sat back down and voiced my want to not share my personal issues. My Mom got a bit mad and said "At this point if you don't tell us I'll be more mad at you that anything you possible could just tell me." So I decided to just go for it. I'm not good at breaking the new to people, so I said "Well, you guys get on me for not dating, what if I had a reason for not dating?" and my parents were like what is it? So I said it was a lack of interest. My dad said "That's no big deal you don't have to date..." and I said "Well I want to date.... just...." and my dad was like "Oh a lack of interest in women?" and I nodded, and my dad asked "But you are interested... in guys?" to which I nodded again. At that moment it was out. The secret I'd hid from my parents for nearly 10 years was out. They now knew everything about me. I was terrified of the reaction (I honestly thought my mom wouldn't believe it/try to fix me) but the first thing said was by my mother, who said to my father "Oh so like, gay?"
It makes me laugh thinking about it now, but that was the first thing said after I "came out" to my parents. We had a really good talk, and quite frankly I'm still blown away by how understanding my parents were. I don't know what i expected really, but man it was way better than I ever could have hoped for. We discussed leaving BYU (I likely will) leaving the church (I probably won't right now) and things of that nature. It was amazing. To end my dad said "Well you are the way you are and there's no changing that. So be yourself, and decided what will honestly make you happy. If it's leaving BYU and/or the church, then so be it. We just want you to be happy and do what is best for you." Holy shit man I mean... I'm still speechless.
So that happened like a few days ago and I'm still just blown away. I feel free. I feel like I can finally talk to my parents. I'm hiding noting. I have a good friend that wants to move in with me in the summer, and I yoloed and told him everything I was dealing with (don't want a friend to find out after living with me for a few months that I'm gay, because then there's potential for it to go really bad). He was super chill though and said nothing would change. It's just a huge relief to see that people still love me and support me. Growing up I thought if people found out I'd be disowned and excommunicated and all my friends would want to burn me, which I know is unreasonable but it's always made me scared to tell people. I mean, I just keep lifting weights off my shoulders this week it feels awesome.
Now I owe a lot to a buddy of mine who's on his mission. I emailed him about all my issues and my fears about talking to my parents and he said (and this is straight outta his email) "I love you [name], and if you can pray for the strength to talk to your dad I would do it, I think its a good idea to talk to him, I know he loves you and will want to help you too, just go for it." Me and this friend have a history of doing crazy shit together, and when I was scared to do something he'd just say "Dude just do it, yolo mate, no balls." at the end of the email when he says "just go for it" it was like he was there joking with me saying "no balls dude do it." That probably doesn't mean much to other people, but that can get me to do just about anything, and it worked here. Gotta thank my friend for the motivation to do this.
Well this entry has been written over 3 days, and is really long, gets a bit ramble-ish but I had to get it out. There's still a lot more I need to write but give me a few days. I'm going to start posting more to hopefully help get some shit off my chest and get me out of this depressed state I seem to be in.
Now to end on a lighter note ya'll have to see the movie The Kingsmen. it's an over the top spy movie about the british secret service, but man the british kills me they're all like "Don't even fink about showin ya face in here again bruv, get out ya pleb" and it's just super funny to hear them talk. great movie. 10/10 would reccomend.
So there you have it, I'm out to my parents and am trying to figure out where to go from here, but for now I feel great. Sorry for the long post, here's some funny pictures to make it up.
(that's exactly what someone who does cocaine would say...)
Soooo, hope ya'll like banjo. Shout out to a friend who just showed me a song that is 4 minutes of Banjo!
Anywho shit's getting really weird in my life right now. A week or so ago my Bishop told my brother he was worried about my ecclesiastical endorsement, which for those of you who don't go to BYU is a letter from one's bishop stating they are well in the church (worthy and have good attendance) and would do well at BYU. without an endorsement you can't go to BYU. So basically I'm not going to my ward enough to get a new endorsement for next year. I go to a friends ward a lot (it meets later in the day, and I sleep through my ward a lot) but you're supposed to go to your assigned ward to count towards your endorsement. So now everyone in the ward is being super inviting and stuff which is nice but it's kinda obnoxious, and my parents found out so they're calling my brother who is apparently spying on me and getting information on what I'm doing and when. So last Sunday I slept through priesthood (my church is backwards, it goes priesthood first, sacrament last) but I woke up in time for sunday school and while I was walking there I got a super angry voice mail from me mum about how I wasn't in church. She called my brother and he told on me haha. Now I gotta be even more careful to makes sure nothing like this blog gets back to me, but at the same time I feel like my parents might understand me more if they knew I was gay.
Anyway I went and had a meeting with my bishop and we talked about life and my endorsement and stuff, and it went well. My bishop is a great guy. I scheduled another meeting with him this week where I'm going to tell him I'm gay see what he says. I'm not saying I'm trying to "overcome" being gay, but I like to hear what people think and get opinions on what to do. Plus it might help him understand why I sometimes sleep through church (I'm usually just not motivated enough to get up for church, which is why I go to my friends ward at 1pm). I love the church but sometimes it's hard to go...
Also, on a brighter note, I got a girlfriend haha. I went and visited a friend from my freshman year, and she asked about my dating life, and I told her it was non-existent and asked her about hers, which was a little lack-luster. She asked "how come we've never dated each other?" to which I had no response so she asked if I'd be her boyfriend. I was happy to say yes, so I guess I have a girlfriend now. Shortly after one of her roommates made a joke about how she turns all of her boyfriends gay, and I thought "shit she only been dating me for five minutes and I'm gay." We had a good laugh, but after her roommates went to bed I told her the truth. She was super cool about it and agreed to stay my girlfriend haha. It was a good night all in all.
So the tinder story from a while back is heating up like crazy. That's the things that's causing the most craziness in my life right now. One night when I have more time I'll defo write all about it, but it's far too late for how long that will take right now.
Also, I took down my most recent post (before this one). It was a little to serious for my taste and gave away more about me than I wanted. We'll just pretend it never happened haha.
So occasionally I like party/dance music to get pumped for sports and stuff, and I just found this song and for some reason I love it. It's obviously a drinking song, but whatever.
Anywho so a while back I mentioned those flashes I get where I can imagine being with another man and being insanely happy. Well tonight while procrastinating I was on Facebook and some pictures came across my feed. The pictures were of a friend who is an avid mountain biker (the crazy kind where you do jumps and ride off cliffs) and he had taken his wife to an indoor biking complex and challenged her to jump a bike into a giant airbag. He yells encouraging things as she undertakes the task, and yells in joy when she does it safely. You can really feel the love he feels for her as she does the jump. It made me think about how I would feel if my significant other was undertaking a similar task. It's hard to explain because I don't really know what my significant other looked like, but it was a man, and the nervousness and excitement and love I felt as he was going to do a potentially dangerous task was amazing. It was a brief moment of total love and excitement and joy. It's hard to explain, but it's amazing. Just felt the need to get that out there.
I gotta go to bed it's getting late, just wanted to write about that experience I had today. It was pretty great.
My goodness I really do suck at titles. Anyway Now I'm listed on the MOHO listing so I thought I'd do a pretty basic post, just about myself. To this point only a few friends (and maybe some random people) have read my blog so I haven't cared to give a brief overview of myself, but now that people That don't know me but that I care about will read this it's time. Continuing on my theme of giving you songs to listen to as you read here you go, this one is one of my all time favorite songs:
Alright here we go:
Note: will be vague, I want to remain 100% anonymous
Age: 20
School: BYU
Major: Engineering of some flavor
Siblings: only one brother
Home state: Nevada
Places lived: Nevada, San Diego, and one summer in Peru
Favorite Movie: Dredd for action, Anchorman for Comedy, Nitro Circus 3d for everything else
Favorite Book: Airborne by Kenneth Oppel
Favorite Music: I like instrumental like Explosions in the Sky and Collapse Under the Empire, but I mostly listen to Indie/Bluegrass like The Rural Alberta Advantage, The Oh Hellos, Friendly Savages, etc. I like music.
Favorite TV show: Parenthood for serious stuff, Archer for comedy, Futurama for everything else
Favorite Color: Gray ("but that's not a color!") so purple.
Favorite Quote: I can handle pain until it hurts
Embarrassing story: One time I went to a movie and the ticket seller told me to enjoy the movie and I said "you too."
Umm I'm out of things, so here's a llist of things I found online. If you're bored of this skip past all these and I'll have some real stuff down there.
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? No.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? I don't remember.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? I wish I cared?
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Roast Beast.
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? No.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Nahhhhhh.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? I have no idea. I think so.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? In a heartbeat.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? It changes. Usually Cinnamon toast crunch.
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? You should be asking if I tie my shoes at all....
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? No.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Anything Chocolate.
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Smile.
15. RED OR PINK? Gray.
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? How little I care about things.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My Grandma.
19. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Tan leather bby.
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Microwavable Pizza.
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The Decemberists. The Infanta
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Laser Lemon (126 pack bby)
23. FAVORITE SMELLS? Garlic.
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My hometeaching companion.
25. MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH HOUSE? Mountain.
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Supercross.
27. HAIR COLOR? Some call it Strawberry Blonde, other call me a ginger.
28. EYE COLOR? Hazel.
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? All day 'erry day.
30. FAVORITE FOOD? Meat.
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Comedy.
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Selma.
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Black.
34. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer.
35. HUGS OR KISSES? Why not both?
36. FAVORITE DESSERT? Anything Chocolate.
37. STRENGTH TRAINING OR CARDIO? Netflix? But really cardio.
38. COMPUTER OR TELEVISION? Computer.
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? None right now
40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? I don't have a mouse pad. I use the couch arm.
42. FAVORITE SOUND? Rain.
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Peru?
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? I'm pretty fearless, somewhat artistic, very creative.
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? San Diego.
47. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW? Provo Utah.
48. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HOUSE? Brick.
49. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR CAR? Red.
50. DO YOU LIKE ANSWERING 50 QUESTIONS? If I didn't would I be doing this? Anyway hope that helps you get a to know me a bit better. Here's the real stuff you're probably wondering: Realizing I was gay: I always kinda thought I was, About 12 years old in a sex ed class I got the idea I might be, but being Mormon I just tried not to be. I tried to convince myself I was "normal." Freshman year of college is when I started accepting it. Have I told anyone: 4 friends, all really close, it was really hard telling each one of them. Do my parents know: Hell naw, maybe one day. Did I serve a Mission: Not yet. It's not looking like I will but you never know. Dating or anything: I wish. I'm laying low while at BYU Quick self description: I'm super chill, like mellow, but I like to have fun. I'm quiet till you get to know me. I'm an adrenaline junky. I dress/act like a skater. I'm pretty basic really. Not much too me. I just want to have fun with life. My name is Rod and I like to Party. This has been a long enough and boring enough post. If you want to take time and read through some of my older posts (my titles aren't useful, I'm terrible at titles) there's some fun stuff. My second post (I think) deals with me coming to terms with being gay and the church and stuff. It's a good one. I actually have a few posts dealing with me "coming out" to a friend. If you have any advice, suggestions, anything let me know. I always end with a funny picture:
I think Imma start dropping songs at the start of entries for you guys to listen to as you read what I have to say. Just optional music that I like, because I can. If you don't wanna listen to it you don't have to.
So I just found MOHO, which is like a directory for gay Mormon blogs, and I think I'm going to try to get mine listed on there. I read a few of the blogs on there and noticed that most of them are very formal, almost philosophical at times, asking deep questions and provoking deep thoughts about what it's like to be a gay Mormon, and I'm just sitting here like "awww damn I'm way to casual for that" but I think it could be a refreshing view for people to read. This is just like my pure uncensored thoughts and feelings written as casually as possible. I know I prefer reading stuff like this over the super formal stuff, so we'll see what happens. I need a better name for this blog though haha. It's currently titled "The Thoughts of a Gay Mormon" Which is like how can I possibly make it more bland? Seriously it's a straightforward boring name. Seeing that that's not who I am, I want a more appropriate name. I've thought of calling this blog "The Homo Momo" (Momo being slang for Mormon) but not too many people use Momo and it can be taken offensively so I opted out of that name haha.
On a much less gay note I went and saw American Sniper and it was fantastic! I highly recommend it to anyone. I know it's rated R, but if you can get over that it's a great movie to watch and really makes you appreciate the military and what they have to go through to keep us safe. Also watch the TV show archer it will change your life. It's hilarious.
P.S. black twitter is the best.
Anywho if I do get added to MOHO expect some general stuff coming soon just to clear up some stuff to random people who may read this.
But I'm learning Italian now! I have a good friend who can speak fluently and I want to be able to at least kinda communicate with him when he get's home from Italy, and I'd also like to study abroad there, so I'm using duolingo to try to learn. I'll probably take an Italian class or two over spring/summer semesters. We'll see what happens.
Sooooooo, here's what's happening with me lately. I found a dope ass band called Beta Radio... Check them out. Chill ass music. Love it. Anywho on a slightly gayer note I just watched a video where some fraternal twins just came out to their father on the phone. It was crazy how emotional it was for them. I felt so much for them as they painfully told their father they were gay. I was on the edge of my seat waiting for the response of their father. Unfortunately the title of the article I clicked on kind of ruined the suspense, but as their father muddled through his first words after the gay bomb was dropped, I could feel the tension as the twins had no idea what their father was going to say. It was really weird watching it, like I was thinking "man they are so brave, I can't imagine having to sit there and wonder how a reaction was going to go, it's crazy" and then shortly after I was like "shit I'm gay..." Like while watching it it felt so foreign to me, like I had never been through anything even slightly related, but I have.
It's super hard to explain like after watching it I was like "Aww that was cute... I'm glad I'll never have to do that." but then it hit me like a ton of bricks and I just thought "Aww dammit, I will have to do that, I've done similar stuff. I'm gay dammit." Like idk do you ever see people with the same problems you have and you're kinda like "Shit I'm glad I'm not them that suckkkssss haha bitches!" but then you realize that you do/are going through what they are and the realization hits you and it sucks and you realize you're a bitch too? I'm kinda rambling now but I don't really care at all.
Anyway that's what's happening. As far as Tinder story goes I've talked to someone about it and I'm going to slip the note, but with the new semester I don't see the dude anymore so I need to figure out when he works haha. Stalker mode engaged. We'll see what happens.
Here's a fantastic song for ya'll:
And I'll leave you with a funny picture. If you don't watch Archer you should:
