Basically, when I was in junior high and early highschool I was an uptight bitch. Like I was super serious especially when it came to school work, and didn't goof off at all. I quickly realized I had very few friends, and my brother was coming home with new friends every day. I looked closely at my brothers character, and then at myself. Why did he have friends and I didn't? Well it was because he was fun and I wasn't.
After I noticed that I started trying to change my personality. I realized I could take school seriously, but be a more loose and relaxed person. It was a matter of attitude. Just because I work hard and take my work seriously didn't mean I had to be uptight all the time. I could chill and crack jokes while doing my work ya know? Anywho about this time I really started looking more at character traits and attributes people had that made the fun to be around. One thing that I noticed as an instant turn off is when people were easily offended. I became a pretty crude person, and when people were easily offended it was like "damn bitch lighten up" and I didn't ever want to talk to them.
So I looked at what made me offended by things. I was offended because things were mean? But what made them mean? There were a lot of reasons that I thought made things "mean" but what it really boiled down to is how I received things. Someone could say "you look good today" and I could take it as a compliment, or I could be all like "bitch I only look good? Why don't I look great are you calling me fat and ugly?" like really I realized it's possible to be offended by anything. And I mean literally anything. But what would being offended get me? Nothing besides the reputation as a bitch, and it wouldn't make people want to hang out with me. So I decided that if being offended gets me nothing, why do it?
It took a while, but I learned to just not be offended. I've had people say pretty mean things about me, but I was like "whatever?" That really is the best word I learned to use in highschool. Just because some dick in highschool calls me a "pussy ass bitch" doesn't mean it's true. It's only true if I believe it or allow it to get to me. So just don't? It's that easy. Just don't let what people say get to you. I learned to be who I was and be proud of it, and not let the things others say affect me.
Now because of this realization I am no longer offended by really anything. I also quickly learned that laughter is the one thing that can make a day instantly better. There is no downside to laughter, so I find humor in everything I do. Once my mum and I had to spread manure over my front lawn to fertilize the grass we had/were going to plant, and it sucked. I could have just had a bad attitude and had no fun, but instead I climbed the biggest stack of manure out there and yelled "I'm king of crap!" and made me mum laugh and I laughed and tons of poop/crap jokes ensued, and we actually had a good time. Over time this ability to find humor in anything has gotten a bit out of hand to the point where I can laugh at anything. I can laugh at 9/11 or a funeral, or pretty much anything people think is terrible. To me there is no "too soon" for jokes. Joking about 9/11 won't make it worse, it won't make more or less people die that tragic day, but laughing makes my day better, so why not laugh about it? Some people think it's a bad ability to have, but I like it.
Anyway when I realized I was gay, I just applied this to being gay. I make gay jokes all the time (to my friends who know). That why on this blog I'll say things like "_____ is pretty gay" or "all the homo." It's not because I really am that gay or anything, but because I can joke about myself. Being gay (and mormon) sucks, but if I can make it funny or fun at all I will. So if people are reading this and you think I'm weird because I say odd things about being gay, it's because I'm having fun with it. I don't intend to offend anyone.
To end on a lighter note (this is not my convo, found it on the internet):
Peace
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